I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize