in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
