How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
