my phone needs a breathalizer
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
