she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
