the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We got so high we made milksteak
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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