no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
