rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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