And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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