Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
