Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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