i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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