she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
