So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
