Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
