im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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