so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
