I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we're so committed to being not committed
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
