so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
