just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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