we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
