got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
