dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
