Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
