OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
