he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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