You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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