i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
