final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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