Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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