And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
