I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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