In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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