My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
