On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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