Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
