I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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