I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
