she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
