I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
