rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
