i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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