I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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