he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
