I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
