do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
