Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
