I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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