if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize