i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
