Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
