it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
