tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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