idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there's paper in my vomit.
barbara walters just said penis...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
