youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
