there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
