is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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