Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
