just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
