Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize