answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
