I CAN MOONWALK!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
