i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
