So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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