There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
