I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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