Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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