I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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