I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
